One of the core principles of practicing peace is learning to stay calm long enough to make a conscious choice about how to respond. This principle has become my focus lately because, when stress builds, expectations rise, and my perfectionist tendencies kick in, I can get a bit testy. Sound familiar? When was the last time you lost control of your emotions during an exchange with someone?
The holidays just passed, and if you’re anything like me, you likely had moments when things didn’t go as planned. Perhaps you spoke reactively instead of taking a deep breath and carefully considering your words. For me, this happened during a “discussion” about how to decorate the Christmas tree. Four of us were exchanging “we need to do it this way” opinions, and when the tree fell over—narrowly missing a glass-covered table filled with ornaments—let’s just say my response wasn’t exactly peaceful.
So, how do we learn to manage those daily moments that test our patience and practice responding instead of reacting?
The Path to Peaceful Responses
1. Commit to Change
Choosing a peaceful response requires intentionality. Like building a new muscle, practicing peace principles takes repetition and strengthening.
2. Pause and Practice
When I teach children to manage their emotions, I use the game Red Light, Green Light to show the power of pausing before acting. The same idea applies to adults: we must learn to Stop, Breathe, Think, and Respond instead of impulsively reacting to emotional triggers.
A Practical Approach: Stop, Breathe, Think, Respond
• STOP
The next time you feel unsettled, upset, or disappointed, pause. Notice where your body is holding tension.
• BREATHE
Take a deep breath. This creates space for your brain to move from reactive mode to responsive mode.
• THINK
Reflect on your thoughts. Are they leading you toward peaceful, compromising dialogue, or fueling conflict?
• RESPOND
Choose your words and actions thoughtfully, guided by calm and compassion.
All of this can happen in just 30 seconds—the time it takes to reset your mind and body.
A Family Commitment to Peaceful Communication
This year, consider starting a family practice of peaceful communication. Teach your children that whenever they feel frustrated or things aren’t going their way, they can Stop, Breathe, Think, and Respond. With repetition, these steps can transform how your family navigates stressful moments.
And who knows? Next year, when the Christmas tree teeters precariously, you might find yourself responding with grace instead of reacting with frustration. Just imagine how much more joyful and harmonious the season could be!
About Dr. Katie Eastman
Dr. Katie Eastman is a renowned psychotherapist, author, and expert in grief, change, and personal growth. With a doctorate in psychology and over two decades of experience, she has dedicated her career to helping individuals navigate life’s most challenging transitions with compassion and resilience.
Katie is the author of Uplifting: Inspiring Stories of Loss, Change, and Growth, a powerful collection of real-life experiences inspired by her work with those facing profound life changes. Her insights have provided comfort and guidance to countless individuals and families, emphasizing hope, healing, and the power of transformation.
As a co-author with Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino of the bestselling Percolate: Let Your Best Self Filter Through, Dr. Eastman blends practical strategies with heartfelt wisdom to inspire readers toward meaningful change. Their upcoming book, The Peace Guidebook: How to Cultivate Hope, Healing, and Harmony for All Humanity, continues this mission, offering actionable tools for fostering personal and collective peace.
Dr. Eastman is also a sought-after speaker and consultant, known for her engaging and insightful approach to topics such as grief, resilience, and cultivating peace. Through her work, she empowers individuals to embrace their unique journeys, heal from loss, and create lives filled with purpose and harmony.
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