An interesting thing about self-care is that it is, at its core, a paradox. We all have a need for self-care—for making time to rest, recharge, and prioritize our needs that so often get swept under the rug. But when life gets busy with its many demands, how are we supposed to make time for such things?
When we can’t make time for self-care, how are we supposed to be our happiest, healthiest, most productive selves? The great paradox of self-care is that we require it to get everything on our to-do lists done with our sanity intact, but our to-do lists prevent us from having time to carry it out.
Martin Luther once said, “I have so much to do that I shall have to spend the first three hours in prayer.” Great thinkers have always understood that to get things done, they needed to prioritize their well-being. Whether that meant spending time in prayer, meditating, exercising, or nature, they knew that making time to take care of themselves made them more productive, not less. However, in our modern culture, we have a hard time embracing that concept.
It’s true that it can be nearly impossible to make time for the kinds of indulgent self-care that our consumeristic society tells us we need. Things like bubble baths, therapy, and even sitting down with a glass of wine and a good book can be costly—on our time if not also on our bank accounts. We may not always have access to such external forms of self-care as these. Thankfully, however, there are a few internal self-care activities that we can all access and that we can do whenever we wish (provided we set aside a bit of time). These activities allow us to maintain our energy, call it back to us when it’s been too freely given, and find time to rest, recharge, and keep our heads on straight.
Self-Care Practices for Maintaining and Recharging Our Energy
Get comfortable setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.
The easiest way to avoid burnout and overwhelm is to not let ourselves get over-extended in the first place. Boundaries are how we love ourselves and others at the same time. Boundaries are not cruel; they are not unkind. Rather, they are how we protect our time, energy, and peace. Healthy boundaries can include: not overcommitting to obligations and expectations, letting others know when they are taking advantage of our time or kindness, stepping back from relationships that take more than they give, and making sure we aren’t letting other people’s needs become more important than our own.
Speak your needs even when it feels uncomfortable.
Many of us struggle with telling people what we need. Whether that is confiding in our spouse that we need more help with domestic tasks, telling our boss that we can’t take on a new project, or asking to be loved the way that makes us feel seen and appreciated, we often feel discomfort or guilt about asking for such things. Learning to be outspoken about our needs—to ask and receive help or support from others—is how we conserve our energy and keep ourselves from burnout.
Schedule time to rest and replenish.
If you wait around for the perfect moment to take time for yourself, you’ll never get around to it. Scheduling time for honoring rest and replenishment is a must. You don’t have to set aside hours of time—simply fifteen to thirty minutes a day at first is all you need to get a quick recharge. Close your laptop, put your phone on airplane mode, lock your bedroom door if you must. You deserve and require rest. Make it a priority.
Nurture your sense of play.
Playfulness is such a restorative practice. Play can come in the form of playing with your own children or other people’s children, or it could mean spending time with your inner child. What did you love when you were a child? Did you collect rocks? Did you watch cartoons? Did you use your imagination? Reconnecting with the things from your childhood that got left behind in adulthood is a beautiful way to recharge.
Let “good enough” be good enough.
Do you wrestle with perfectionism? Sometimes, it’s not our obligations that weigh us down but our own self-imposed expectations. Of course, there are times when it’s good to get things as close to perfection as possible, showing yourself and others that you take pride in your work and contributions. But most of the time, “good enough” is good enough. Most people aren’t scrutinizing your work the way you are, so why not cut yourself some slack? Eliminating perfection-seeking tendencies can open you to more opportunities for rest, relaxation, and even joy.
Making time for self-care doesn’t have to be costly or burdensome. Indeed, taking good care of yourself can be a restorative and sacred practice when you commit to doing it well. Just as Martin Luther was convinced that he couldn’t possibly achieve all of his goals without hours of prayer, you may find that you become more productive, happy, and fulfilled when you make self-care a priority in your daily life.
Amber Wardell is a doctor of psychology and author who speaks on women’s issues related to marriage, motherhood, and mental health.
Amber Wardell
Amber Wardell, PhD, is a cognitive psychologist and public figure who has built a personal brand based on marriage, motherhood, and mental health. Now boasting over a half million followers on her various social media platforms, she has become a trusted voice of honesty and reliability among women and moms. Amber is the author of Beyond Self-Care Potato Chips: Choosing Nourishing Self-Care in a Quick-Fix Culture
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